I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
