Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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