Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
