I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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