He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
