Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
