lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
