Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
