Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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