we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
