dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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