I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
