I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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