I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
