end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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