Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
