If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
