He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
