She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
