First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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