I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am available for nakedness
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
