I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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