Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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