It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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