My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
