I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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