Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
