he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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