She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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