Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pappa wants mamma naked
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
