Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
