Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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