What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
