you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
