im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
