that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
should my penis look like a turkey
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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