Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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