I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
