Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
