so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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