Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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