I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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