I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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