community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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