does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He kissed a someone with a penis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
