just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
