The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
