i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Enjoy the penises
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
