New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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