better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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