i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
