I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
