No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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